Exactly a year ago today, I noticed a rash on my hand. It looked like a rash and it itched like a rash, so I decided to let it be. Eventually the itch got so bad and before I knew it – yellow (oil like) fluid was oozing out. It was embarrassing. I couldn’t believe the guy dating me at the time didn’t run the opposite way. Eventually, I started noticing this rash in patches on my legs and arms.
After many visits to my doctors, I was finally referred to a dermatologist. I laid all the information I had. When it started, how I felt, and how these itchy patches reacted to other medications. My doctor looked puzzled and asked if I’ve ever had an outbreak before. Never- I’ve had no history of this happening to me in my years of existence till now. She then said that it was strange for this type of skin issue to develop at my age, but at first glance she knew it was nummular eczema.
I was prescribed some type of ointment, which really helped – but I still felt itchy. Around Christmas of 2017, my cousin gave me a little thoughtful gift – Kiehl’s Creme de Corps Soy Milk & Honey Body Polish. THIS PRODUCT IS THE HOLY MECCA! I swear by it after it worked wonders for my skin. Every other day, after I hit the gym- I jump into the shower and follow my normal routine of washing my face, hair and body. Once I’m cleansed off, I shut the water off for a bit and apply the body polish all over my body (DO NOT USE ON FACE). After I’m done scrubbing the body polish on my body I wait for what I seem to believe is a couple of minutes and then rinse it off. Kiehl’s body polish leaves my skin leaving so soft and hydrated. Once I dry off I moisturize and start getting ready for my day. I have yet to have an outbreak since I started using this product. I La la LOVE IT!
The weekend is approaching and I don’t have to worry about breaking any work/office rules. Let the weekend festivities begin! I’ve been feeling very flirty these days. Must be that summer heat, haha! Anyway, one of my favorite rompers is from MISSGUIDED. I paired it up with a black lace bralette and accessorized it with a nude choker from ALDO. At first I was a little worried that this outfit might show a little too much skin, but I’m also a huge believer in loving the skin you’re in.
Sweaty palms, teary eyes, there’s vomit on her sweater already…. (maybe mom’s spaghetti). She’s nervous, but on the surface she looks calm and ready. YES. I totally just switched Eminem’s rap around to talk about my eating disorder. BULIMIA.
When did it start?
I was a junior in high school. I had faced body image issues ever since Kindergarten- when my teacher poked fun at me for eating two slices of pizza at my age. I did dancing as a sport for years, but I couldn’t understand why the other girls around me looked petite, and why I was taller and a little more filled in.
In the beginning, I immediately started losing weight. In 2009, my sister noticed that my clavicle bones were actually noticeable. A couple of friends at the time noticed that my big butt had pretty much disappeared. My disorder lasted for a year and a half. Once I got to college, I let go of my nasty little habit for a bit and gained DOUBLE the weight. I was at my heaviest, 170lbs!
After what I thought was a horrible breakup back in 2011, I started purging yet again. Only to realize that this time, I wasn’t losing anything. Something that people don’t understand is that bulimia isn’t skinny nor fat. It’s an eating disorder that prevents weight gain. It’s a feeling of being out of control during binge-eating episodes.
I was always feeling agitated, so I started throwing in intense workouts in the mix as well as diet pills. At age 24, I was down to 140 lbs., but looked insanely tired. It was not attractive at all.
When did it end?
To be honest, I’ve never really idolized anyone for their body type/image. However, I battle eating disorders every day. Over time, I’ve gotten better…. but I’m afraid the thought is still always lingering. It will always be a part of me. However, I’ve been “free” of purging for months now.
My frustration now is that I work out twice as hard, but can’t shed the weight off. I guess what’s important to remind myself of is that I am in fact strong. I work out to be stronger- mind + body.
I have bad dating juju. However, I totally see how my body image addiction has an effect to my dating life and relationships around me. My relationship with running/working out, is a full commitment and I’m totally proud of it.
What does freedom mean?
It doesn’t mean perfection. It doesn’t mean I’ve mastered my way out of bulimia. I just have a better hold/control of myself.
I’m hoping to get the courage to write about my insecurities to help other women who face body image issues. It’s important to find your inner strength and lead a healthy lifestyle. Easier said then done, but baby steps are always a start.
So…why is it still so chilly outside in LA? Aren’t we already in April! Wow, time is just passing us by.
A couple of weeks ago, my best friend (@taramillamena) got invited to an event out at the W Hotel and took me along for the ride. When we got there- there wasn’t an actual event. I died of laughter you guys. I guess when you first start out as an influencer, its a little hard to determine whether or not the event is a scam or not. Either way, we ended up enjoying a day out in Hollywood. The sun was out and that’s all I needed to take my denim jacket off and pose for pictures.
I got this cute little romper a couple of years back, but I’ve been fluctuating with weight so, realistically I only wore the romper like once prior to this day. I love the lace detail in the front, giving it a lingerie kick to it. This is a perfect romper to style up with denim jackets or no jacket ;).
So overall, I had a great time feeling good about my bod and outfit that day. It’s a great feeling when clothing makes you feel confident. Or I guess in my case, It felt good to finally fit into my romper again.
Have I not mentioned how amazing I think Amazon Fashion is?! I always get asked by someone out in public as to where I got my outfit from. They’re always so surprised when I tell them to search the latest trends on Amazon.
I’ll be honest…I’m not a huge fan of rompers, but when I find a great one I just have to get my hands on it. I paired up the romper with sandals from DSW- Chinese Laundry. They are the most comfortable sandals I own.